As part of our effort to increase our daily content on the site, this is the first in a series of blogs by our very own Bill Aquaviva.  The Aquaman returns to us after a brief hiatus and in addition to his PSR articles and Weekly Report Contributions, he is always interested in the stranger side of the NFL . . .

VIVA LA NFL!!!

By Bill Aquaviva

Tennessee Titans bad-boy WR Kenny Britt was arrested (again), this time on suspicion of driving while intoxicated by military police in Kentucky while trying to gain access to a military base.  Apparently he was returning a service-woman to her base after spending quality time with her.  So my question is this; with all the money you make you can’t hire a limo or just simply take a cab when you go out NFL players?  How stupid are you?  I mean I know Britt is pretty stupid, but really, c’mon.  When you draft him this year keep in mind it’s just a matter of time before he’s suspended for 2 or 3 games for doing something illegal.

Dallas WR Dez Bryant was charged with assault causing bodily injury, family violence for smacking his mom around.  Now that’s a serious pimp hand!  I’m not shocked by these animals smacking wives and girlfriends around anymore, but their mom?  That’s hard core.  Apparently his mom refused to carry his shoulder pads to practice so he let her have a fresh one.  And according to mom this isn’t the first time Dez has put his hands on her.  Real big tough man you are Dez.  Hopefully he gets a nice multi-game suspension from the NFL for this behavior.

Drew Brees’ contract deal is finally done.  So the Saints aren’t complete idiots after all.  It only took them a year too long to resolve this thing with their franchise player, and that was in the midst of a bunch of scandals and suspensions and uncertainty.  Imagine if things with the franchise were going well – Drew would still be unsigned.  Whatever New Orleans was doing in this situation is mind boggling to me and the GM and owner should stop taking their stupid pills immediately and right this ship.  Regardless of the front office foolishness expect Brees to have another incredible year.

Detroit Lions head coach Jim Schwartz, you remember him, the pansy who waited until he was sufficiently separated by a mob to “snap” and try to get to Jim Harbaugh for a fight last year.  Yeah, him.  Well now we have some new material for him after he made some stupid comment about the Packers and their head coach Mike McCarthy.  Schwartz was making fun of the Packers using part of their OTA time to go skeet shooting and bond as a team.  Schwartz was quoted as saying “We had no sporting clays today or no amusement parks or water parks”.  Oh Jim, you crack me up with your wit you silly little man.  Let’s hope you find it just as amusing when the Packers win the division again this year and you miss the playoffs again this year.

Michael Vick, the NFL’s dog whisperer has apparently learned nothing from last year’s huge disappointing season.  Last year the Eagles were the “Dream Team” and expected to win the NFC East, the NFC and probably the Super Bowl.  Naturally they didn’t even make the playoffs.  So this year Vick has been talking about how the Eagles can become a dynasty.  According to Vick, “I think we have a chance to develop a dynasty.”  Um, don’t you have to actually win something before you have a chance to build a dynasty?  Maybe you should win your division and see how that feels and then you can start talking nonsense out of your ass about winning a dynasty.  Hey Michael, I bet you my puppy that your Eagles team never becomes a dynasty.

N.Y. Jets head coach Rex Ryan has lost a total of 106 pounds in the last 2 years after having lap-band surgery.  So can he and twin brother Rob still be considered twins?  No one knows what this means for his foot fetish.

What the hell is wrong with people?  Especially elected officials!  Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton recently compared NFL players in trouble with the law to veterans returning from war.  Yeah, because that analogy is so appropriate.  I mean veterans fight for our freedoms and football players um, play a game.  Veterans can die at any time from active fighting or cowardice suicide bombings, and obviously football players can… tear an ACL or pull a hamstring. And even though veterans are often haunted by their combat experiences for life, it’s very common for our heroic football players to have to deal with fans and news media and give interviews and share their time with people who for some bizarre reason idolize them.  And finally, veterans returning from combat are usually struggle to make ends meet, deal with subpar VA medical care and look for work in the private sector knowing only how to kill the enemy and sadly make up too large of a percentage of the homeless in this country.  And NFL players make millions of dollars, have 6 months a year off, get free trips, dinners, clothes and gifts, have huge houses, multiple cars, preferential treatment from the law, impressive pensions, and the top medical care available.  Gee, I don’t know why Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton felt the need to apologize after his asinine statement.

Former NFL WR Terrell Owens continues to play a cat and mouse game with his legal obligation to support his daughter.  For the third time, T.O. has settled right before a court date by making all owed back payments of child support.  Apparently he likes to not pay, have the mother of his child take him to court and right before the court date make his payments then repeat the game.  Imagine if he just made the payments regularly like he’s supposed to.  But I understand, after making millions in the NFL for 15 years how can he be expected to pay his $5K a month child support payment?

Bill Aquaviva is a Fantasy Insights staff writer contributing to the Pre-Season and Weekly Reports . . .